august seeds: respecting the self

"For healing to occur, we must come to see that we are not so much responsible for our illnesses as responsible to them."

-Christiane Northrup, M.D. Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

I meant to take only a week or so off from life once I returned from my trip to Oregon, but as I kept checking in with myself, asking if I was ready to return to "work", the answer continued to be a resounding no. 

When I say "take a week off from life" what exactly do I mean? I mean that I stopped implementing changes, making focused attempts at things. I told myself I didn't have to blog, I didn't have to knit, I didn't even have to shower if I didn't want to. And guess what? I often didn't want to. But I'm slowly feeling myself reviving and feeling the desire to cook something that doesn't come from a box, the desire to actually wash my hair, the desire to stretch and go on walks again. 

I started to get scared a little that "it" would never come back to me, that I would become stuck in a slovenly cocoon of my own filth. I also began to realize that the innate desire to actually take care of myself is strong. And that sometimes, not showering can be just as much of taking care of myself as showering. 

I don't feel good. I almost want to say that I don't even feel better than when I first returned from my trip. What I do feel is more aware, and more kindly disposed towards myself. 

I don't feel up to setting tasks for myself, like I might normally do with my "seeds" at the beginning of the month. Rather, the seeds I'll be planting will be respect. Respect for what my body goes through, respect for what it can do and respect for what it can't do. Respect for the notion that what it can and can't do changes on a minute-to-minute basis.

Of course, respect isn't easy. It's hard to change a long-standing cultural mindset that there is something inherently wrong with our bodies, rather than simply different. I've got some ideas that I want to share, some informative websites, books, articles, etc... And while I'd like to spread the information out in several installments over the month, my body might be asking me to do something else.

There is also nothing wrong with the occasional:

Because if that's how you wake up feeling? Respect that too!